Word of the Day: 寛容

I decided to try to stream on Twitch again tonight, but I feel it was a bit of a mistake or... just not the right time of the day.

One viewer who used to frequent my streams in the past came back for a bit. I made the mistake of treating him too friendly and sort of just talked to him normally, but as I was doing this, I found out I didn't actually really like him and found his way of life and existence pretty repulsive.

I kind of compared it to eating some sort of junk food you liked as a kid, and it just like messing your system up really badly. I sort of blocked him unapologetically. Obviously we've grown into two very different people and no longer are compatible for a lack of a better word.

Though, I feel like... I learned something new now. When I was a streamer in the past, I used to be overly people pleasing, but because of my life experiences and everything, I found myself unable to handle bullshit like that anymore. I don't feel bad even.

Maybe I am not meant to go back into streaming again, ( or maybe it is just a bad time right now, who knows ) but I feel like, whether I decide to stream or not again, I think I won't approach things the same way anymore.

I am... actually.. glad? Like, fuck, good for me. I don't think my 20 year old self would've imagined this for me. I do consider myself pretty open-minded, but I also don't want to be contaminated with things I know I just don't vibe with, you know?

I used to be even sort of hesitant to block people who were blatantly sort of trolling or fucking with me. Now I don't care.

I need to stop eating this really bad instant rice too, it is like giving me weird gas.

I mean I also drank an energy drink which is sugar, and I ate a whole family sized lasagna by myself.

It is a new day now, and yes that gas really affected me when I woke up. It was weird because I was getting a charlie horse in my leg while having to figure out how to release gas to avoid my guts from exploding, it was too much at once.

I also am getting all these messages and phone calls. I am actually way back online. By "online" I mean like my brain, mindset, and mood are all aligned finally and I feel like I can be ultimately productive, none of that bare minium bullshit, which I am happy about.

I mean yea, I still have things I am struggling with, but I feel like the juggernaut now.

7 placements of Capricorn, bruh. It is very much a burden because think of and actual goat, if you shock them too badly they just like stiffen up and fall to the ground and have to lay there for a few minutes.

but when it works, it feels great actually... It is just the build up of momentum is very hard so, that is why I really treasure and enjoy when it does go in that direction, as everyone does I am sure.

Anyway, I got a lot of stuff to do, but it is like my TODOs are on autopilot right now, just getting naturally done. It is great.

My mom also replied to me, I won't reply to her but it is ok. At least she is alive and perhaps doing ok. That is good.