Stop Being Nice

I have always heard people say that you can’t really trust anyone. That people will let you down no matter what. They will take advantage of you when you are at your lowest. Well, I was at my lowest recently. In fact, I’m still going through that. The never-ending grief process that followed my mother’s death from cancer in 2024 hasn’t gotten any easier and I don’t think it will any time soon. And that’s… fine. That’s life. There is nothing anybody can do about it. But while I was at my lowest, the thing that got me through was the fact that I had my friends and family by my side. This entire time, they have been supportive, kind, helpful… and nice.

And so I thought I’d be nice to them too. I wanted to give back, you know? As a nice gesture. A ‘thank you’ almost.

That was a big mistake.

You see, in general, I would say that I consider myself to be a nice person. I try to help people whenever I can without asking for anything in return. I go out of my way to see people. I do things for people whenever possible. And what I have realized is that the people who told me you can’t trust anybody were right. In moments like this, that’s when you realize who your friends are.

When you lose someone you love, prepare to lose other people in their orbit too. Money being the biggest culprit in this phenomenon. You know what they say about money. It changes people. And while it hasn’t necessarily changed me (yet, at least…), it has shown me people’s true colours.

I recently did something for a close family friend out of the kindness of my heart. And I got screwed over. Turns out, I was lied to for months after doing something for them out of blind faith. I never had any reason to believe they would do this to me, not even a little bit. On the contrary, I trusted them with my life, just like my mother trusted them with hers. This situation happened a little after another family affair where I, once again, was nice to a fault. I signed over stuff I definitely, categorically, shouldn’t have, out of kindness and trust. I did something for a family member that would not benefit me in the long run at all, on the contrary, just to help them. Because I wanted to do something nice for them. And my mother’s friend was there throughout. They witnessed what happened, I told them that I felt betrayed because I did something nice for someone, and they decided to screw me over a few months later…

A friend of mine keeps saying ‘you have got to be a prick!’. And you know what? He's kind of right. In this world, being nice just isn’t cutting it. The nicer you are, the more people take advantage of you. People have a sixth sense about these things. And if they don’t, all they have to do is wait for something to come up. Some vulnerable moment where you slip up. And that’s when they attack.

In this world, everyone is out for themselves. Even the people you trusted the most. They need to make a living too. They have their own problems too and they will do anything they can to solve them. That’s just how it is.

Be kind but never nice. Be trusting but cautious. It’s the only way to protect yourself and others.